The 4 Ways to Help—and Why Only One Builds Leaders

You’re trying to help; we get it. It’s admirable. But Helping ≠ Leading.

If you lead people, chances are you’ve found yourself in this moment:

Someone on your team is stuck. They knock on your door—or fire off a Slack message—and say, “Hey, can I talk something through with you?”

Now what?

Most leaders want to be helpful. But here’s the problem: helping without intention can actually stunt growth. You give them the right answer, but they never learn how to think through it themselves. You share your experience, but they’re on a different path. You fix today’s problem, but tomorrow’s looks just a little different—and they’re right back at your desk.

That’s why great leaders understand the difference between the four types of helping conversations—and they know when to use each.

Mentoring. Teaching. Consulting. Coaching. What’s the Difference?

Mastering these four modes is how leaders stop being the bottleneck—and start building real leadership capacity across their teams.

Mentoring – “Let me share my experience.”

Mentoring is ideal when someone is walking a path similar to yours—when your journey gives relevant insight into theirs.

• Best for: Career development, navigating culture or long-term challenges

• Trap: Assuming their situation, desires, or path is identical to yours. Mentoring without curiosity becomes misalignment.

 Teaching – “Let me show you how this works.”

Teaching is about giving information, frameworks, or steps. It helps others understand what to think or do in a given context.

• Best for: Onboarding, technical skills, training environments

• Trap: Teaching shows them what to think—but doesn’t always teach them how to think or problem-solve when you're not around.

Consulting – “Let me solve this for you.”

Consulting is directive. You offer a diagnosis and provide a solution. This is valuable in situations where time is limited or the problem is highly specialized.

• Best for: High-stakes decisions, non-repeatable challenges, crisis response

• Trap: It addresses the immediate issue, but doesn’t build their ability to solve future problems. If things don’t go as planned, they’re stuck again.

Coaching – “Let me help you think differently.”

Coaching is about expanding the other person’s capacity to solve problems, make decisions, and own their growth. You ask powerful questions. You listen. You help them find their own answers.

• Best for: Leadership development, mindset growth, long-term empowerment

• Trap: Avoiding coaching because it feels slower or “less helpful.” But the payoff is exponential.

Why Coaching Builds True Leadership Capacity

Each of these helping conversations has value. But coaching is the most powerful for creating new leadership capacity.

Where mentoring, teaching, and consulting transfer knowledge or experience, coaching transforms thinking. It doesn’t just solve a problem—it shifts perspective. It helps people learn to trust themselves. To lead themselves.

That’s how great leaders are made.

And ultimately, we don’t judge great leaders by the problems they solve—we judge them by the leaders they develop.

3 Action Steps to Use the Right Helping Conversation

1. Start by Asking: What’s Needed Here?
   Before you respond, diagnose the situation: Do they need guidance? Knowledge? A solution? Or space to think it through? Match the approach to the moment.

2. Shift to Coaching More Often Than You Think
   Even when someone wants advice, try asking first:

   • “What’s the real challenge here for you?”

   • “What are your options?”

   • “If you knew the answer, what would it be?”
     Let them discover what they’re capable of.

3. Build Coaching Moments Into Daily Leadership
   Coaching doesn’t require an hour-long session. Look for small, in-the-moment opportunities to ask, not tell. You’ll be surprised how often the answer is already in them—waiting to be unlocked.

Becoming a NO LIMIT LEADER

You don’t have to choose one way of helping. The best leaders master them all.
But if your goal is to grow a team of leaders—not just doers—then coaching is your most powerful tool.

Because the true test of leadership isn’t how many problems you solve.
It’s how many people you empower to lead.

Your team. Your mission. Your future.
They don’t just need your answers—they need your belief in them.

UNLEASH LEADERSHIP, UNLOCK POTENTIAL

-Sean Patton

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